Should Kids Help with Family Chores
By Annye Rothenberg, Ph.D.
parents wonder if they should expect their kids to take on household
responsibilities. Even though parents report that their children are
willing to help out when asked – or even volunteer to do a job – many
families don’t ask their children to take on regular chores. Some think
it’s not worth the potential conflict and nagging, and feel it’s easier
to do the chores themselves. Some feel children don’t do the jobs well
enough anyhow. Some parents feel their children are too busy. Other
parents can’t see the value of teaching children to do chores. And some
parents resented having to do chores growing up. In households where
paid housecleaners and gardeners do the chores, it may not fit easily
into the routine to assign tasks to the children.
But there is real value in having children shoulder their share of the work. Here are five reasons:
chores together helps build the spirit of “family,” enabling kids to
see that everyone has to do his share. We don’t want our kids to
believe that it’s adults’ job to do all the work. Teaching the habit of
pitching in with tasks encourages a child to step up and do his part –
rather then doing as little as possible – at home, in others’ homes,
and in the community.
- Children learn their
parents’ standards and work ethic when their parents teach them to do
chores. We don’t want our children to learn to take the easy way
out and do jobs in a halfhearted way. Too many parents complain that
their school-age children aren’t motivated and won’t try their best at
schoolwork, sports, projects, etc. Family jobs have great value as a
way to help our children internalize the standard of working hard at a
- Getting kids accustomed to doing chores
helps them learn patience and perseverance. You’ll be able to see the
results when your child has to wait while you talk to a neighbor or
tackles a school assignment that he isn’t enthusiastic about.
children don’t know what to do with themselves when they’re not being
entertained, and complain about being bored if they’re not having fun
every minute. Chores help children realize that doing ordinary and even
tedious tasks are part of life, which helps them appreciate the
activities that are fun and amusing.
family tasks helps children learn how to thrive with the independence
they’ll need in college and adult life, with less of a learning curve
when they need to prepare food, do laundry, and eventually take care of
If you want to build family chores into your kids’ lives, here are answers to the important questions.
What can they spend their money on? Parents
should allow increased decision-making around spending as children get
older. As kids are starting regular chores and allowance, you’ll need
some guidelines about their spending. You might want to start with only
the first category, but within a few years, consider dividing the money
into three categories: inexpensive purchases, more expensive purchases
that kids need to save for, and charitable contributions. Parents
usually decide the percentage for each category with increasing input
from kids as they get older. Parents are the gatekeepers even on the
inexpensive purchases until children are about ten years old. When
children want to buy something, you can help them by talking to them
about how to decide whether they should spend their money on “that” or
not. You can teach them how to judge an item’s quality, and
whether it’s an acceptable purchase based on your family values (such
as toy guns – yes or no – or whether the child already has similar
toys). In short, we want to teach them to be thoughtful, not impulsive,
consumers. If we do a good job, we won’t have to keep giving them money
when they’re 40!
- At what age?
Toddlers and preschoolers love to imitate you and to help you, but
can’t be counted on to do jobs regularly or well enough. Still, we
should encourage them and praise their help. By starting at this young
age when they’re eager, you get them accustomed to pitching in, and by
five years old they can start doing regular family tasks.
- How frequently? Daily
jobs (seven days a week) work best so they become part of a regular
routine; then kids are less likely to argue and negotiate about those
jobs on Mondays – after the weekend off.
- What kinds of jobs?
(Children three and over can do some of these on an occasional basis.
Kids five and older are able to do any of these jobs on a regular
basis.) Most of the jobs should be about five minutes. Look at the
kitchen first. There’s lots to do there: Setting the table. Bringing
the serving platters to the table. Rinsing dishes. Washing and drying
pots. Loading and unloading the dishwasher. Then look at all the jobs
involving garbage: Dumping garbage from the wastebaskets throughout the
house. Dumping the kitchen garbage into the bigger garbage cans.
Putting cans outside for pickup. Look at the possible recycling jobs.
There are also plenty of laundry jobs. And vacuuming individual rooms
and cleaning sinks, etc., are also worthwhile tasks. Cooking probably
shouldn’t count as a job, because it’s fun for most kids.
- How many jobs?
Elementary school children can do one or two jobs a day, increasing to
three or four for teens. Even busy kids can spare these few minutes, especially if everyone in the family has jobs to do – including parents, of course.
- Should kids keep these jobs forever?
No, every month or two, have the kids look at your master list of
chores; offer them the chance to keep them, to trade jobs with their
siblings, or to choose new ones. Doing chores is more interesting when
they get to do something new, and it allows parents to teach kids
- Should you give children an allowance for doing family tasks? We’ve all heard the two sides. Allowance should be tied to the chores children actually do, or
the allowance should be completely unrelated to doing chores. (Of
course, some families do not give an allowance at all.) My advice is
that it’s valuable for your child to connect being responsible for
doing work with receiving a monetary reward. If we lived in a
culture with few things to buy, few ads, few choices, then money
wouldn’t be that important. But our children want to have things – lots
of things – and most get interested in money sometime during the
elementary school years. Children’s endless desire to buy new things is
a major issue for parents to provide guidance on. Children should be
learning that it takes work to earn money to buy things and that money doesn’t come too easily. (As you know, young children
think money just comes from the bank or out of the ATM.) It takes years
before children realize that you can’t just go to any bank and be
- How much allowance should kids get?
This differs a lot depending on your community, the ages of the
children, and how many jobs they do. Check with other parents and
teachers to get an idea of the community standard. Assuming the older
children in your family are doing more work, they should get a bigger
allowance. (With age usually comes more privilege and
more responsibility.) Teaching chores is much more successful when
parents set up a chart for kids five years and older so they can check
off their jobs each day. Then allowance is paid only for jobs done.
Make sure you set a time to go over what they earned and didn’t earn
that week. (Lots of families need to set a consistent weekly time or
else the whole plan falls apart, and kids go back to not doing regular
family chores.) Either give them the money to put “in their bank” or
keep a tally. Many parents have started their children on chores and
not followed through. Parents feel disappointed in themselves and their
children when they give up on their parenting plans, and children lose
some of their trust and confidence in their parents.
Annye Rothenberg, Ph.D., author, has been a child/parent
psychologist and a specialist in childrearing and child development for more than 25 years. Her parenting psychology practice is
in Emerald Hills, California. She is also on the adjunct faculty in
pediatrics at Stanford University School of Medicine. Dr. Rothenberg
was the founder/director of the Child Rearing parenting program in Palo
Alto, California, and is the author of the award-winning books Mommy and Daddy are Always Supposed to Say Yes … Aren’t They?, Why Do I Have To?, I Like To Eat Treats, I Don't Want to Go to the Toilet, I Want To Make Friends and I'm Getting Ready For Kindergarten. These are all-in-one books with a story for preschoolers and a manual
for parents. Her new series is for elementary school childen and their parents. The first book is Why Can't I Be the Boss of Me? (2015). For more information about her books and to read her
articles, visit www.PerfectingParentingPress.com. To find out about her counseling practice and her speaker presentations, go to AnnyeRothenberg.com.